I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
