it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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