Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
