But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
