so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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