I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
