she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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