Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
