I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
