I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
