we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
