I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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