I have demons in me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
