guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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