you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
