hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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