I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
