Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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