She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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