dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
