Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
