I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
