I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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