I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
