Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
