Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
