i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
