Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
