shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
