You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
