They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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