Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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