Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
