my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
