shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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