I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
