I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
