I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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