Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
