Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
