I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
