You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
