then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
