New invention idea: vibrating tampons
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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