we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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