Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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