do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
