Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
