Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
