I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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