So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
