my vag is so smooth its legendary
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
