dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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