no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
